Develop Self-Confidence - Will You Use These 3 Filters Correctly to Develop Your Self-Confidence? Articles | Self Esteem

By: Emmanuel Segui

Many people that have low self-confidence tend to over-analyze every situation and conversation. Long after the fact they are still dwelling on exactly what was said, how it was said and what was meant by it. They tend to come up with other ideas later for how they should have responded. You don’t need to analyze everything about it. Live in the here and now. In order to do that you need to let go of any preconceived notions about yourself and others. Stop judging yourself negatively.

Try to see yourself in true light. Avoid making generalizations about yourself. If you have one mistake it doesn’t necessarily follow that you will make other mistakes as well. When you over generalize you use words such as never, always, every, none, nobody, everybody, etc. These words tend to lead you to incorrect conclusions.

The words you speak reflect the kind of life you live. Words, emotions, behaviors and thoughts are all interconnected. Improve your vocabulary, banish some words and commit to watch your language.

Filtering is a method we use to see the world the way we want to see it. We look at the world only through our own filter and don’t believe that there is another way to see things. To change this we need to first realize that we do it. Once we recognize that we can try to stop doing it.

The filters that we typically use are generalizations, omissions and distortions. We already talked about over-analyzing and generalizing. So here is an example of distortion: self blame.

Self-blame is thinking that is distorted because you blame yourself for everything, even when it isn’t your fault. Sometimes you blame yourself for things that are out of your control or that you can only partially control.

One way to notice that you are living with self-blame is to hear yourself apologizing often. You may notice that you apologize for things other people do that you have no control over. Start to take notice when you apologize for things that aren’t your fault and stop saying you’re sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong.

We all use filters and we all misinterpret events and experiences. But when you know that, you can say “hey maybe I over-analyze that, or maybe I’m distorting this too much”. You’re a meaning-maker. Make sure you create appropriate meanings that are good for you.